Hunted: Book 2 of the Watched Trilogy Page 8
“It’s a surprise.” He takes a shaky breath, and Parker can’t help but see he’s nervous.
“We’ve been driving forever,” she says, shifting in her seat.
“Crap, I didn’t even think about it. Do you need your pain meds? Or other meds? Damn, I’m screwing this up.”
“Relax. I’m just getting a little stiff.”
“It’s only about ten more minutes. Are you sure you don’t need anything?”
“I’m okay,” she says and eyes him suspiciously wondering what he has up his sleeve.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“You seem nervous. I’m just trying to figure out why.”
“I am.”
“Why? It’s just me.”
“Don’t say it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you aren’t anyone special. You’re not just anyone. You’re everything.”
Parker looks out the window. “You’re wrong.”
“About?”
“You’re giving me too much credit.”
“No, I stopped giving you enough credit a long time ago. I need to change that.”
Parker says nothing and continues to look out the window until they pull up outside of a condo with yellow flowers out front. She recognizes it immediately. “Your mom’s place?”
“Yeah,” he says and hops out and moves around to her side. Opening the door, he holds out his hand to help her down, and she accepts it.
“What are we doing here?”
“I wanted to show you something.”
They walk up to the door, and he pulls out a key to unlock it. Taking a deep breath, he opens it and leads her inside.
“You’ve already cleaned it out.”
“Why do you sound confused?”
“I guess I assumed you’d want help with it.”
“I said I wanted to show you something, not put you to work,” he laughs.
“Let’s be honest here and admit I wouldn’t have actually been much help anyway. But I would’ve done what I could.”
“I know you would have,” he says sadly.
“Why does everything I say seem to have a bad effect on you?”
“Because I’ve just been realizing a lot of stuff lately.”
“Like?” Parker walks around the small condo.
“How I took you for granted. All the time. You would do anything for me, and I never seemed to appreciate it. And you have no idea how truly sorry I am.”
“I’ve forgiven you, Ryder. I don’t know how many times I can tell you that.” She moves into the kitchen were a single moving box sits.
“Don’t forgive me so easily. I need to earn it.”
“You don’t need to earn forgiveness. Not with me. What’s in the box?” she asks. She gets close, but doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries by looking inside without permission.
“That’s what I wanted to show you.”
Pulling the flap up, she looks inside and pulls out a card. “Is this a baseball card of you?”
“Yep, that’s me when I was five.”
“You were cute.”
“Were?”
“You really want to be considered as cute as a five year old when you’re almost thirty?”
“Valid,” he laughs. “This is my childhood in a box.”
“The childhood you never like to talk about?”
“Yeah. Notice how it fits inside one box? Compared to yours, which still fills an entire house, it’s not exactly something happy. There’s more bad than good.”
“That’s fair. But you can’t compare your childhood to mine.”
“Believe me, I know.” He looks at his watch. “You can go through it here if you want, or we can take it with us. I just need to give the keys to the landlord by three.”
“Are we heading back after this?”
“I have one more stop for you. If you’re up for it.”
“Let’s take it with us. I want to be able to fully appreciate the potentially embarrassing items in this box right here.”
Taking the box, Ryder lets her lead them out of the door. He turns and looks once more around the small place his mom lived, clean and sober and happy. He smiles a sad smile before shutting the door and locking it.
Soon after, they’ve stopped at the rental office to drop off the keys, and Ryder turns the pickup onto the highway. An air of melancholy fills the pickup, and Parker doesn’t know if she should say something about his shift in mood or not.
“How are you doing?” she decides to ask instead.
“What do you mean?”
“Cleaning out your mom’s house. That had to be difficult. Especially by yourself.”
“I didn’t hit the bottle.”
“I didn’t ask if you did.”
“I just wanted you to know. That part of my life is officially over.”
“You’re avoiding the question,” she says grimly and looks out the window. He always avoids answering the tough questions.
Ryder takes a deep breath and glances over at her. “It’s not that I’m trying to purposely not answer your questions. I just don’t know how to answer it. I don’t know how I feel, honestly. Or how I’m supposed to feel. For the most part, I’m okay. I’ve lived without her more than I lived with her in my life. I think the part I’m having the hardest time dealing with is realizing the relationship we were forming was the one I always wanted. And now it’s gone before it’s had a chance to fully develop.”
“I think that’s the most you’ve ever opened up about how you’re feeling.”
“I used to tell you how much I loved you all the time.”
“Not so much the last year we were together. You drank yourself into a numbness so you didn’t have to feel. Including the feelings pertaining to me.”
“I’m trying.”
“I can see.”
“For the record, I did say it back.”
“Say what back?” Parker looks at him.
“Our night together, when you said you loved me. I told you I loved you, too. After you fell asleep. I know it’s not the same, but I said it. And I mean it.”
Moments later, Ryder turns into a cemetery, and Parker doesn’t have a chance to respond to his confession. She knows exactly where they are, and she can’t help her racing heart. Navigating through to the far back, it’s apparent he’s spent a lot of time on this route. He stops and hops out to help her do the same.
“There’s someone I’d like to introduce you to,” he says. Parker looks at the headstone reading TARA EDWARDS.
“Your sister,” she whispers as tears fill her eyes.
“You’ve asked me to bring you out here with me before.”
“And you always had a reason not to.”
“I know.” He turns his attention toward the stone. “Hey, T. I know I just talked you the other day. I can hear you now telling me to get a life, but I wanted you to meet someone very special to me. I talk about her all the time, but I thought it was time to introduce you. This is Parker.”
“Hi, Tara,” Parker squeaks. Her tears have fallen from her eyes. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“And she’s heard all about you. I’m kind of glad Tara can’t talk right now because she’d have plenty to say. Mostly agreeing with how big of a dick I’ve been. And how stupid I am. And how often I talk about how much I still love you.”
“Ryder.”
“It’s true. I come talk to Tara at least once a week. She’s one of the only people I could never lie to. It’s the reality check I need. It’s kind of like she’s here telling me what to do. Guiding me in the right direction. Like she used to.”
“Did you come out here when you were drinking?”
“No. I knew if I did, I’d have to confront a few issues I was hiding from. But, I know I can’t do that anymore.”
“I appreciate you sharing this with me.” She wipes her tears from her face with her right hand.
“It’s not as scary letting you in like I thought it would be.”
“I’m glad I’m not scary.”
“Let’s get back. I have a couple of other surprises at home.” He feels a bit of hope spring up when she doesn’t try and correct his use of the word home.
Chapter 15
Ryder puts the pickup in park and turns off the engine. They both sit in silence for a while, Parker waiting for direction from him. He takes a deep breath and leans over to open the glove box. Pulling out a folded piece of paper, he hands it to her.
“What are these?”
“A pony.”
“Smartass,” she laughs and unfolds it. The paper has VISITOR LOG at the top. “Visitor log?”
“They’re yours from the hospital.”
“I don’t understand,” she says shaking her head. Looking over them she sees Paige’s name, Sam’s name, and even Mack’s name. Then she sees it. EDWARDS, RYDER CHECKIN 10PM CHECKOUT 5AM. “You were there.” Her voice is a whisper.
“Every night. I couldn’t let you be alone. Not after what happened. And I just sat there, watching you. I was so thankful you were alive.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I’m a moron. Have we not already established this?”
She laughs as tears begin to fall from her eyes.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
His voice is full of concern, and it makes her sob harder. “I was so hurt. I thought you didn’t care. I thought you hated me.”
“Kid, what I said that night, I didn’t mean. You have to understand I was hurt and lashing out. I don’t regret saving you from your brother five years ago, and I would never trade you for my mom. You mean the world to me.”
“You have a really terrible way of showing it,” she hiccups and laughs slightly.
“I woke up as you left that morning. I fell asleep so happy, and then I woke up by myself. Again. You told me you still loved me, and I was over the moon happy, and then you were leaving. When I got the call about my mom, I just went dark, baby. “
“Ryder, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that. I just knew I had to end things with Jacob before I could move any further with you. And that’s what I wanted.”
Ryder looks down at the steering wheel. The sun was starting to set, and the orange glow enhanced her beauty even more. “I just wanted you to come back. I wanted you to be there and tell me it was all going to be okay. I knew it wasn’t your fault, but I was angry and hurt and scared and sad and I didn’t know what to do.”
“I should’ve been there. I should’ve woken you up and told you what I was doing and where I was going. I just felt like such a terrible person, sleeping with you and telling you I loved you while I was engaged to someone somewhere else. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for feeling happy, and it was suffocating. I did make those choices, and I became that person. I was going to hurt him, and I was bringing you into my mess, too. I made a mistake.”
“It’s really over with him?”
She sighs and looks at her hands. “It never really started with him. He was what I needed in theory, but it never felt right. It was forced, and I knew even when I said yes to him that we were never going to actually get married. I don’t know why I even said yes to him. I think I was just used to going through the motions.”
“What was missing?” he asks quietly as he sees a fresh batch of tears fall from her eyes.
“It’s nothing.”
“Kid, I don’t think it’s nothing. I think I need to hear this.”
“He wasn’t you,” she whispers and looks away.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” He gently grabs her chin between his thumb and index finger and turns her to face him. He kisses her lips lightly.
Parker pulls away from him and gets out of the pickup. She feels like she can’t breathe. “I can’t do this.”
“What?”
“This. With us,” she says and moves to sit on the steps, “was missing even when we were an us. He wasn’t you, but neither were you. You stopped being the Ryder I fell in love with. And no matter how much I tried get him back, he was gone.”
“Parker-“
She shakes her head, cutting him off. Wiping her tears, she sniffles. “You don’t get it, Ryder. You broke me. I thought I found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and you broke me. You made me feel like I wasn’t worth anything, and I still loved you. I still wanted to be with you, but then you threw that ring at me and ended up in bed with Vanessa. I was broken. Jacob was the glue I used to put me back together, but not all of the pieces are there. I’m not the same Parker I was before, and can’t do this. Not again.”
“Parker, it wasn’t you. It was me. One hundred percent me. You have to believe me. And I’m in this. I’m all in. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t do this, Ryder. I’m too scared to do this again.”
“I understand, but-“
“No, you don’t understand! I’m scared because if you break me again, I don’t think I’ll come back from it.”
“I’m not going to break you again. I am in this for the long haul. I lived too long without you, and I let my pride keep me from you. I could’ve fixed it a long time ago, but I didn’t. I don’t want to let you go now, kid. Not unless you’re really done with me.”
Parker stands up, tears subsiding, and she squares her shoulders. “You said you have another surprise?”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Do we need to go anywhere?”
“Just inside.”
“Let’s go.” She moves to the door and realizes he hasn’t moved. “What’s wrong?”
“This doesn’t feel right.” He shakes his head. “This feels all wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I feel like you’re preparing to tell me goodbye.”
“What do you expect from me, Ryder?”
“You’re getting ready to run, aren’t you?” He can’t look at her.
“Can you blame me?”
“No,” he says and hangs his head. “I can’t. I’m actually lucky you gave me the chance you did today.”
His sniffle catches her by surprise. “Ryder, look at me.”
He keeps his head down, but she sees teardrops on the sidewalk in front of the steps. “I’m not the man you fell in love with. We both know this. I’ve made mistakes. Man, have I made mistakes. And I’m a different person now. In some ways, a better person. I’m willing to work at this and give you a chance to fall in love with the new me, but I’m not going into this if you’re already planning your goodbye. I need to have more respect for myself, and in turn, you.”
“Ryder,” she says. His tears are breaking her heart. He’s never cried in front of her before.
“No, kid, it’s my turn now,” he says quietly. “I love you. I always have, and I always will. I want to be happy, and you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. But I don’t know if I can take you walking out on me again. It almost killed me the first time. I didn’t know what to do when I thought it happened a second. And the third time, well, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.”
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
“I know.”
“What do we do?” she asks and sits down next to him again. “Where do we go from here?”
“I guess we have to decide if this is worth giving us a real chance again. I’m willing to put in the work every single day, but only if you’re willing to let me. If you’ve had enough and want to walk away, I’ll learn to deal with it. I don’t like it, but I won’t be mad at you. And I’ll know I can’t blame anyone but myself.”
She takes a deep breath and cradles her left arm. Closing her eyes, she tries to calm the pain in her shoulder. “Give me just a minute.”
“If you want to head back to Paige’s house, I understand. I’m just thankful you gave me the chance you did today.”
“I’m not leaving, Ryder. I just need a minute. I think the car ride and crying did a number on my shoulder. It’s throbbing.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I can’t seem to get things right with you anymore.”
“Why are you so hard on yourself?”
“Because I feel like such a screw up.”
“Look at me,” she says. “You are not a screw up. You have made mistakes, but everyone does. I do. But you have to let yourself off the hook sometimes. I don’t like how it makes you feel, and I really don’t like how it makes me feel. If we have any hope of making this work, you have to give yourself a break.”
His eyes go wide. “If we have any hope of making this work?”
“I’m still sitting here, aren’t I?” she snaps. “I’m sorry, Paige tells me I become a bitch when I’m in pain. I guess she’s right.”
“I wish you would’ve let me take that bullet,” Ryder says, placing his hand on her knee.
“Me too.” His head snaps to look at her, and she laughs. “It hurt like a bitch. But I’ll have a wicked scar to show off to all of my friends.”
“I still can’t believe you took a bullet for me.”
“After everything that’s happened, you still can’t accept the fact that I love you?”
“No, I believe that. But seriously, how many people say they’ll take a bullet for someone, and then actually end up being in a position to take a bullet for someone?”
“Only a person with a psychotic brother,” she laughs. “But I did. And it’s okay. Don’t feel guilty, Ryder.”
“I can’t help it.”
“You’d take a bullet for me, wouldn’t you?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“Well, then, stop feeling guilty. It’s what you do when you love someone. The mere thought of them being in any type of pain almost kills you, so you’ll do anything to keep them from it.”
“And you wouldn’t feel guilty if I got shot?”
“Valid point,” she laughs. “But please, don’t feel guilty. I’d do it again. Because I love you.”
Chapter 16
Ryder looks at her and stands up. “I need to show you this last surprise before I lose my nerve.”
“Then help me up, servant boy,” Parker laughs and holds out her hand. Ryder obliges, and they walk together to the front door. “If we’re going to move forward and make this work, I have one request.”